Bras Are The Devil

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At first it looked like the one for me. It’d cushy straps which seemed wide enough to not sever my shoulders. It had thick underwires powerful enough to get a space shuttle (but made for a girl… ).

It was not very pretty, however, a feature that many of those “large” ones share. I wanted a pretty bra although my husband’s view on bras is: “It’s what’s inside that counts”.

What I thought was the perfect bra made me feel encouraged, and I looked a little thinner with everything in its place. I took very good care of it, hanging it up to dry like educated on the care label.

It started as only a little poke in the side, just under my arm. Each time I cleaned it and wore it, I’d pull the cable back in further and further, the hole getting bigger each time.

Finally, I was being simultaneously stabbed at the rib cage and at the armpit with a rogue piece of underwire. I struggled with it, but the pervasive bit of load-bearing lingerie prevailed, my ribs and armpit bravely defending themselves.

New drugs are intended to deal with an array of ailments and ailments.

There are brilliant engineers who build complex bridges and overpasses, roller coasters, complex pieces of machinery, and massive buildings able to withstand earthquakes!

Why has no one been able to create the perfect bra? I understand there is a brilliant female scientist out there who has gotten up in the morning, place the women in their place, and thought “there has gotta be a better way!” .

Do not get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for modern scientific discoveries and West Melbourne Bat Removal! And I am not suggesting that bosom support is as important as curing ailments. However, if bright minds can come up with these little blue pills all of us understand about-thanks to those not-so-ambiguous advertisements (bathtubs side by side and so forth)-then why can not someone work out how to keep the women set up without breaking your back, denting your shoulders, snagging everything else in the wash, or attempting to kill us? And, if it is not too much trouble, can someone at least make some of these fairly for those people on the higher end of the cup graph?

I’m delighted to say that, in the long run, I beat the bra of dread. (Why WAS the underwire so eloquent? Who believed to run it on a whetting stone before putting it in some poor, unsuspecting woman’s undergarment?) .

It is different, not quite as inviting. But at least I can use it without fear of a punctured lung and having to explain it to the great folks in the ER.

I’m the underwire warrior!